Laying Down the Anger....

...I took my anger ... and laid it down...



I love this song by Theo Tams, but more than the music or the sound of his voice, is the one line, "I took my anger and laid it down" ... it hits me like a blunt force object every time I hear that.  The truth of what that means...to lay down anger, as in laying down arms.

I've carried my share of anger around like a bag of heavy rocks more times than I care to remember.  It weighed me down physically, emotionally and mentally.  Yet even knowing that it was doing so, another situation would arise that would bring forth that anger once again, and I'd add it to the satchel and continue on.  At some point, I laid the bag down because I couldn't walk another step, and said "enough."  Did it happen overnight?  Not at all.  Do I continue to experience anger?  Of course I do.  It's a necessary emotional response to specific situations in life.  It's what we do with the anger that is important.

I was faced with a situation on Monday, where yes, I admit, my anger flared.  I had purchased some collage sheets from a vendor on etsy to use in my art.  Vendors who sell their collage sheets generally do so with the purpose of others using them in their art for sale and are fine with that.  What they do not want is someone to purchase the sheet and then resell it or parts of it for their own profit.  Understandably.  It's theft and not only is is wrong and a crime it lacks integrity.  I have never, nor would I ever, steal someone else's idea or their art and claim it as my own.  Taking away the fact that it's wrong (and I do know wrong from right!), I don't want what someone else did to be "my" work.  I have my own creative talent thank you.  I may not be able to digitally create the bits and pieces I use (not from lack of imagination...lack of photoshop elements!) but I do have the talent, ability and creativity to design something of my own from the elements I purchase (or images that are offered free of charge for that purpose).

I made my cards and listed them in my etsy shop, quite pleased with how they had turned out.  I had even sent the vendor a message on her blog complimenting her on the fresh style of her collage sheets before I made my purchases. We exchanged emails and chatted on facebook.  The vendor even complimented my avatar which was one of the cards.  Imagine my shock then on Monday morning to receive a message on my etsy shop, asking me to stop selling what I had made.  The vendor "assumed" that I was simply reselling bits of her collage sheets as my own collage sheets and she kindly, but firmly, asked me to stop doing that.  Angry?  Yes.  About her request?  No.  About the fact that she hadn't even bothered to "look" at what I had done.  She jumped in with both feet and made a snap judgment, without the facts, and then quickly rifled off an email that put me in a corner.  Or so she thought.

There was a second message after that...saying "oops" that she had made a mistake and was sorry and please carry on and sell your "little cards".  Now THAT made me angry.  Calling my work "little cards".  The arrogance!  The cheek, the gall and the implied superiority that jumped off my computer screen made me see RED.  In the first message this woman asked me to be respectful of other artists' work.  Yet she hadn't the kindness to do so herself.

I handled it all politely and I removed the cards from the shop and let the vendor know that I had.  And I will not be using her collage sheets or her business again.   I could keep selling the cards and perhaps make some money from this and yet, I'd rather not.  It disturbs my integrity.  I no longer wish to do any business with this vendor and my feelings are such that every time I see this work I will feel it "tainted".  My mother would tell me that I am "biting my nose to spite my face" (she said that to me a lot!!  Of course I'm sure she was correct each time, well, maybe some of the time!).  I'm good with this decision...this nose can stand to lose a few millemeters so it's no loss really.  I see it more clearly than that in a choice between how I feel and what I want.  The few dollars I might make on my work is insignifcant compared to the fact that I value the quality of what I make and what it represents to me.

I had a follow up message from this vendor saying that she realized she had overstepped and hoped that I would continue to befriend her on facebook and that I would continue to do business with her but she would understand if I just wished to move on.  I didn't respond to the email.  I am moving on...I've laid the anger down.  I've moved on not because she misjudged me, or because she sent the messages without taking the time to know what she was talking about...I've moved on because of "who" she is and what kind of person she has shown herself to be.  Might be a one-off, but I think not.   This is not the kind of person that I want to include in any part of my life.  Do we benefit by embracing others' negativity?

Many years ago I had a similar experience with a woman who I did not value for her beliefs, her values or the choices she made in how she interacted with others.  We knew one another through our children and their hockey life.  It came to me through a third party that this woman wanted to enter into a business relationship with me and a few others (the third party being one).  My immediate reaction was a very vehement NO.  Which shocked the third party.  He was of the opinion that you could still do business with someone even if you didn't share their values.  Perhaps this is male vs. female.  I have never been able to grasp his concept of this so we agree to disagree.  And I did not enter their business arrangement.  I carried some anger about that for awhile.  Misplaced anger I came to realize and I laid it down too.

Similar situations and my reaction remains the same.  We are tested often in our integrity and our values.  We learn as we go; we grow, we change and we hopefully gather wisdom.  Being true to ourselves.  Maintaining our values.  And laying that anger down...feel the burn and move on.