Princess of Celebrity

Carrie Fisher has had a roller coaster ride of a life. I'm sure there is much to be said for being the child of celebrity, but if you take Carrie's word for it (and why would you not?), most of what can be said is not fit to print!

I've never seen "Star Wars" so I have no concept of Carrie as Princess Leia but I recognize that world famous hair style. I have read Carrie's fiction which seems to me to be more fact, written as fiction than anything she created from nothing. Then again, how often does life imitate art and vice versa? What I have noticed about Carrie is her wit, her ability to nail her thoughts firmly in one or two strokes of the hammer and her honest portrayal of "who" she is.

Reading her memoir, "Wishful Drinking" I was not disappointed...more of her wit, her humour and her sledge hammer vocabulary. She goes for the jugular with clean sweeps and makes you realize that maybe your own life isn't quite so bad as you might otherwise have thought. Carrie's example shows that you can keep trying, you can keep hoping and changing course, changing thinking and take the steps that are necessary can save anyone's sanity if not their life.

The sad part of this memoir is Carrie's loss of memory. Mental illness is no joke (and yet Carrie still manages to put a light spin on it) and it affects so many. Nature? Nurture? Genetics? A Molotov cocktail of all three in many cases. Losing memory to electro shock therapy is one of those situations where you must do the drastic to have the hope of healing. Much is lost, but much must be gained. A bit like having a fresh start and losing the memories that can quite often hold us back.

This little memoir is big on heart, hope and humour. It's definitely worth a read. And I've found myself someone else to appreciate as she carries on this journey of life.

Monday Musings...

It's just been that kind of life over the last few days; some good, some not so good ~

* some time in the garden on Saturday night and the 4 or 5 mosquitoes who found me, are "reminding" me this morning as I discover those tell tale itchy spots...

* oldest son goes back to his house for a week and I let him use my car...he "kindly" leaves with my car AND the spare key to the other vehicle...

* mind you, I gave him all our garbage (there is a strike here in Toronto) and he took that with him to dispose of where he lives...

* picked up a coffee this morning and the barista noted that (a) I ordered a larger size and (b) was in earlier than usual...am I that predictable?!? If I ever go missing at least I know someone will notice!

* today's forecast called for rain but I woke to the sunshine..

* saw a baby fox sitting on the fence in my back garden this morning...lovely to see but a little scary as I really don't want foxes in my garden...they're a little too prevalent right now and this is a residential neighbourhood...

* loving the lushness in my back garden, all those late June early July blooms fill it with colour.

Some days you are the pigeon...some days you are the statue. Some days you get to be both!

*photo originally uploaded to flickr by Sarah G. April 2009

Poor Neglected Bella Rennie...

I have been so unimaginatively, uncreative in the last few months that I've added nothing new to my Bella Rennie etsy shop. I've been so absent from etsy that it was only yesterday I realized many of the products I have listed in my etsy shop have expired.


To that end, I have re-listed a number of my cards. I feel sorry for the poor shop...neglected and unloved. With luck, by the end of the summer or the beginning of fall I will be back into creative mode and producing many new items.

Check out my etsy shop if you are interested in seeing what my muse was directing a few months ago!

A Sprinkle on a Hot Summer Day...

When I came out of the library this morning I could hear squealing and screaming mixed with laughter and joy. The sprinklers in the park adjoining the library were running and there were quite a few children running and jumping under the spray of water.

The joys of summer on a hot sunny day. Running through the sprinkler -- in bathing suits or fully clothed, and not caring if our clothes got wet. They'd dry! Taking turns aiming the water at one another and then when really thirsty, bending down to drink. There is nothing like the taste of water from the hose.

I stood there for a few minutes just watching and realized as I did that my face had broken into a wide smile and I know there was a twinkle in my eye.

*photo originally uploaded to flickr by Bill A July 2006

Here's the Dirt...

After a fantastic thunder storm yesterday afternoon, it seemed like the ideal time to get outside, get my hands in the garden and follow this prompt to rub the page with dirt. Can I tell you how much fun this was?? I didn't even worry about keeping it neat and tidy...the messier the better! Trying to keep a fist full of dirt neat and tidy is a futile exercise anyway...it goes where it wants to!

I asked my son to come out with me and take the photograph and if any of my neighbours were peering out their windows I'm sure they wondered just what we were doing...and do you know, I really hope they were!

I have no difficulty getting my hands dirty, mooshing around in the mud. I was the Betty Crocker of mud pies in my childhood (I loved the feel of that mud oozing through my fingers), and as I recall there was one boy on the street who loved to be the taste tester of any mud pies that were being created (I sucked matches, he ate dirt...a very "wholesome" neighbourhood!! We'd have made the "perfect" couple! Allow me to introduce Mr. and Mrs. Dysfunctional!).

Life is a treat for the senses and playing in this journal is giving me a great deal of insight.

Wreck This Journal

Destroy a book? It's such a horrible concept. Would I really have the ability to take a book and ruin it?! Seems I can!!

I've been watching Kim at The Bodhi Chicklet participating in the Wreck This Journal book club and she's inspired me bit by bit. Being a perfectionist has it's drawbacks and being able to let loose, to let go and just do what you're told can be quite freeing. I've been feeling drained creatively and thought that maybe it was time I did something to keep my creative juices fed. Even destroying a book can be creative so I've discovered. Keri Smith is on to something with this concept!


On Friday past I was in Chapter's, saw the book on the shelf and splurged the $16.00 to take "pleasure" in wrecking this journal. I'm the one who undoes the dog ears that others put on library books. I'm the one who erases pencil marks others put in library books. I'm the one who feels ill when I see that someone has written in ink in a book that does not belong to them. But this is MY book and I'm going to do some damage! I took a match to a page on Wednesday. A match? Oh yes. And stood over the sink with it just in case the whole thing got away from me and went up in flames!! A "good" girl doesn't just become "bad" overnight...it takes practice!


It's true, yes, I did suck on matches when I was about 3 years old. Something about the sulphur truly appealed! I "blame" my parents for being smokers!!


Some of the prompts are a little outrageous (take it in the shower? take it for a walk? drag it around and swing it with a string? whatever...) but I'm game. And for me that's the best part -- just being game enough to say "all right, I'll do that". It's a little "out there" but hey, that's good in many ways.


I did write on the cover, but in looking at this, I see I'm still being a little pristine and careful...it looks a little too "perfect" and not messy enough. I'm sure I can correct that!


When I decided to do this page, I had no difficulty in finding a sharp object and really letting go.


Writing the four letter words made me laugh. "Good girl" that I am, I did not use foul language or curse words. No, I stayed on the straight and narrow. A little too perfect. The closest I came to being daring was to write "damn" after I'd used the same word twice.

In all, even though breaking the spine (another taboo for a book lover!) was difficult, I've done it. It was hard work as that spine is tough and I've given it a good go every day since I bought the thing! I might even reach the stage of taking a hammer to it!!! Even a perfectionist (or former perfectionist as I truly am) can wreck havoc with the best of them!

Plus Eight Are the Ones Who Matter Most

I don't watch reality television. I don't watch much television to begin with. I'd rather read a book, have a nap, have a conversation, create something than sit in front of the TV. I don't understand the need for "reality" TV. Life is real enough is it not? Don't we all have enough reality going on to cope with ... do we really need to be voyeurs about what happens in other people's lives? And quite honestly, does anyone seriously believe that what is touted as "reality" is in fact "real"? Isn't it just fiction made to "look" real?

I'm so sick and tired of hearing about Jon and Kate Gosselin and their life. Who ARE these people? Why does anyone care? I have never watched their program, however, I feel quite familiar with them as everywhere I turn in a store there are their faces and their life, plastered and splattered for all to see. Have they heard of privacy? Have they any sense of teaching values to their children? They have eight of them for goodness sake. Eight little people who need to know how to get on in their own lives. Is exploiting them on television and magazine covers in their best interest? I can't answer any of these questions. I'm not a qualified professional.

It seems to me that the focus for this couple has become money and fame, however they can find it. And they found it through a network that has no problem in making money from using them to their own advantage. The Learning Channel. What "learning" do they profess to share? These aren't the lessons I want anyone I love to learn.

Do I care about Jon and Kate Gosselin and what they do with their marriage or their personal lives? Not in the least. I do care about those eight children.

I don't know who watches a program like this nor do I know what they derive from doing so...or what they hope to gain. It seems voyeuristic, like watching a tragedy unfold and being unable to move because it is mesmerizing. It's rubber necking. Move on people, move on.

If the parents don't have the good sense to end this now that the "fun" has worn off and the focus has shifted, then I can only hope the network has the sense to put the children first and move on to some other programming. Maybe if people stopped watching the message would be hammered home.

*edited at 11:09 a.m. -- just read that TLC is putting this "program" on hiatus. Perhaps the pressure from the outside world has given them a conscience. Amen.

*photo "buterfly kisses" originally uploaded to flickr by jeri leandera February 6, 2007

Conquering Khan

There are times when I find I am drawn to something, even when I've decided I have no interest in the subject. Take the Orient for example. I have no desire to visit China, Taiwan, Hong Kong, Japan or anywhere in that part of the world. I struggled in elementary school with my Kubla Khan's and Genghis Khan's, always confusing them and getting them mixed up, and I'm quite certain that my disinterest stems from that "trauma". I don't have any similar "stigma" about Japan but there has never been any deep interest.

I like Chinese food...oh certainly the food from local Chinese food restaurants is NOT what a native of China would ever eat...I'm talking Dim Sum where you eat more authentic Chinese fare. I don't love it as I'm not a big fish eater and chicken feet aren't on my gastronomic measuring stick, but I enjoy some of the dishes. Sushi doesn't cut it for me either.

If I'm not interested in the history or the food of a country, it's unlikely that I will ever travel to that spot. The Orient of China and Japan is not on my list of "must see" places in the world.

And yet I read about these places and I enjoy the books. I read James Clavell's "Shogun" many, many years ago and loved it. I read Arthur Golden's "Memoirs of a Geisha" and treasured it. This was Japan of the past and I chose to read these books, knowing what they were about.

Over the last few weeks I have been reading about the Chinese in Vancouver and Shanghai in the 30's and both of these books, by different authors have educated me about the history, the culture, the language and they have entertained me. I still have no desire to visit that part of the world (I have been to Vancouver) but something compelled me to read these books.

I had never read Wayson Choy, a noted Canadian author and after seeing his name pop up randomly (could it really have been so random?) a number of times, I started with his first novel, "The Jade Peony" which I found impressive. I have his second novel "All That Matters" waiting on my nightstand.


I had read Lisa See's "Peony In Love" and "Snow Flower and the Secret Fan" and found myself stretching to continue. I wasn't enraptured but I wanted to be and I wanted to be interested in what I was reading. Finishing the two books left me still confused as to why I was drawn to wanting to read them in the first place. Last week I tried Lisa See again, with her new novel "Shanghai Girls" and I read it in one sitting. I enjoyed it that much. This one I understood. This one I connected with. Time in history? Subject matter? Or the fact of having read Wayson Choy and understanding the culture more than I had before? I have no idea. I think my mind was more open to absorbing the knowledge. And maybe I've just decided that those old Khan's aren't going to hold me back any longer!!

My Father's Daughter

I don't have many photographs taken of me with my father for a variety of reasons. This was many years ago (decades really) at a family picnic in Darlington, Ontario. It's a paternal generational photograph...my mother on the left, my grandfather and my great grandmother. My father died in 2000 but our contact with one another stopped and never picked up again many years before that. Our relationship was complicated and never smooth. The decision to part ways was mine for valid and definite reasons.

There were many years when I carried hatred and resentment in my heart towards my father for things that he did and many things that he failed to do. Over the last few years I've lost that hatred and resentment and I've embraced forgiveness. I see him more clearly now for who he was, who I am and while there are still some things that happened that are not "okay" and never will be, I've let go of the hardness and it has made my heart lighter.

My father was punitive. He was not a disciplinarian, he was punitive and there is a great difference between the two. Control is not love, it is about power and having power over others. And I learned from this. I learned that I would never be punitive with my children. When discipline was needed it was so that they would learn right from wrong and that this was done with love and concern for the adults they would become. It was never done to prove that I was right and they were wrong; that I was bigger and stronger.

I learned from how I was parented by my father that it is all right to question authority. That authority isn't always "right". I learned that to question the why and the how is valuable in order to make conscientious decisions. I learned to stand up for my rights, to stand up for myself and to believe in who I was and how I thought.

I learned that a bully has many insecurities and fears of his own. I learned that when someone draws that line in the sand you have a choice -- you cross the line, you walk away or you open a dialogue. I learned that being afraid of others serves no purpose. I learned that I never wanted to be a bully.

My father was talented musically. He passed that on to me and to my sister. We both loved learning to play instruments, to sing and to appreciate the music of others.

I know that the negatives that influence our early years can actually be some of the best lessons we are given. It's how we look at those influences and how we can turn them to our favour that makes the difference.

I'm grateful for everything that my father taught me and for being my father's daughter.

photo found here

First Folder, 10th Photograph

Before I make a full return to the land of blog, I'm going to participate in a game of "photo tag" at Beth's request. The idea is to take the 10th photograph from the first folder of photographs on your computer. I had to go through quite a few folders before I found one that had 10 photographs!!

I don't mind sharing this one as all the people in the photograph are now deceased and no names need to be changed to protect the innocent!

This was taken, obviously during World War II though I don't know the exact date. It was taken in Toronto, Ontario, in the east end of the city. My mother is the little charmer in the front row with the groovy drooping socks and the closed eyes. Shame she forgot to keep her eyes open and her legs closed!! The woman to her left is her mother (my Scottish grandmother) and to her right is her cousin Margaret. My uncle is the dapper sailor with the cigarette and my grandfather is the dashing man in the suit on the right.

I look a lot like my mother now and then, when I was the same age she was in this photograph. I wore my hair the same way at that age. I even have a photograph of myself with both my eyes and my legs open. It's in the genes.

Some Fabulous Rules of Life..

I'm still in the process of being "computer-less" and attending to other business in life. While I'm doing that, I wanted to share something that came to me in an email which I found today. Rather profound!

Written By Regina Brett, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written." (*edited after hearing from a commenter that some of the information included in the email I received was incorrect).

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay cheque.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.Don't save it for a special occasion, today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give it time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Taking Care of Business...

Pondering the list I made the other day of what I'm about right now, I realized that part of my stagnation is being on the computer so much. I love technology, I love being able to travel the world and feed my thirst for knowledge and beauty and art and connection with others and so many other things. But there are times when I feel overwhelmed and consumed by losing myself at my computer.

With school finishing here for the year tomorrow as they head into 4 days of exams, I realize how few hours I have left of total, blissful, peaceful quiet without having to "time share" on the computer, the kitchen, the house in general. Without my "space" being invaded.

With that in mind, I'm taking a little break from my computer, from this chair, from this room, to take care of business, to enjoy this last bit of solitude before we readjust to life at home in the summertime.

Savour your bliss ♥

What I'm Listening To...

Loving Nelly Furtado...this song, the beat...the feel like dancin' tune...

The Things I Am About...

Inspiration comes to me from many places, in many forms. Sometimes I just enjoy the feeling of being inspired without the need to do anything about it. There is a feeling of contentment and bliss that being inspired fills me with. I do self-reflect at times and yet I've come to realize that I am quite often happier nosing about in what other people are doing. When I am asked to self-reflect I feel puzzled about who I am and where I'm going. I know where I've been and what I've learned from that experience but where I'm going? That's a mystery that is unveiled with each day that passes.

Yesterday when I was reading Lelainia's blog, she was pondering about where she is right now and I found that very inspiring. Catherine Witherell initiated this self-reflection, asking
"if you were going to write down the things you are about", and has passed it on to others. Lelainia asked me to think about where I am right now, what I am about, without stopping to think about it, to just write it down. The following is where I am right now, what I am about, and given that I feel I'm at a plateau and I'm at peace with things as they are, I think my responses are very reflective of that.

This is something that is being passed on and I very much encourage you to participate in this exercise. Please do so and leave me a link so that I can see where you are right at this moment.

I am about....

Flat bohemian sandals

Bead work on anything

Chunky expressive jewelry

Tex mex food

Not drinking wine

Gearing myself up to write, write, write

Preparing to risk and dare myself

Enjoying other people’s art

Being inspired by those who speak of truth and beauty

Digging into the past

The War of the Roses

Identifying with my Scottish heritage

Red and white geraniums

Cleaning out clutter

Redefining my focus

Keeping things simple

Not over extending myself

Trying to not out race time

Living with the challenges of a teenager

Enjoying decaf Americano coffee

Dreaming of where I’ll be in a few years

Being content with allowing my creativity to have a hiatus

Flittering around on twitter

Deciding if I want to let my hair continue to grow any longer or cutting it off

Being happy that I can make the above choice

Reading many mystery and suspense novels

Exploring the “why” and the “why not”

Loving berry season

Doing more for my very elderly mother-in-law so that she can remain independent

Procrastinating on some chores that I know need to be taken care of but I haven’t the motivation

Feeling stalled in some ways but being patient with the plateau

Hungry for knowledge

Realizing that some things I used to like I no longer do and that’s okay

Being strong enough to speak the truth

So Good...I Read It Twice...

A voracious reader, I probably read two books a week, maybe more depending on the size of the book. I'm always on the hunt for something new and with so much to choose from when it comes to books, I rarely read a book more than once. I won't say "never", but it has happened by mistake or a determined choice. For example, I re-read "To Kill A Mockingbird" a few months ago. Initially read in high school I read it again so that I could discuss it with my son who was reading it for school. He is a reluctant reader and I hoped that by being able to talk about the book at home he would be more encouraged and interested in reading. We had some good discussions about the book, the characters, etc. but I can't say that it made him a convert.

When I find myself re-reading something by mistake I generally stop and move on to another book, however, even my own rules need to be bent or broken from time to time. Saturday night was a case in point.

As I was reading Moshin Hamid's "The Reluctant Fundamentalist" I kept thinking from time to time that it seemed familiar and asking myself if I had indeed read this before. I wasn't certain so I continued. By the time I was left with only 1/4 of the book to read, I knew I had read it before but continued because I was compelled to read these words.

Was it the words? Or was it the narrative style of the writing? The tension? The honesty? The beautiful flow of the placement of each word and thought? It was probably a combination of all those things...and the fact that it was a short book didn't hurt. Sometimes our lack of memory is a gift in itself.

LuLu Does It Again...

I have this wonderful blogger friend...we are more than just friends through blogging, we are soul sisters who have travelled the breast cancer trail together. LuLu is just one of those wonderful women who finds her way through life with laughter and a great spirit. Her attitude about her cancer and her prosthesis are what everyone who goes through trauma needs to remember...be light, be serious but above all be yourself and just live in the moment. We have a shared love of Britcoms and being able to look at life for exactly what it is..and if it's not up to snuff, then make it better.

Now head on over to LuLu's blog because she is having a giveaway for the above bracelet. Her Coastal Sisters shop offers so much more both on etsy (LuLu also does blog banners and faux cupcakes) and her website, but if you'd like a chance for this amazing piece of jewellery, don't delay...she's drawing a winner on Friday, June 12th. Click this link to add your name to the hat! Bonne chance!!

Think About This...

Maintaining a complicated life is a great way to avoid changing it.

Elaine St. John

Helping Women...

Breast cancer research is a subject that is very important to me, however, any disease that affects women is important to me, as it should be to all women.

Last year I participated in a Pink Art Doll that was raffled and the proceeds given to breast cancer research. This year some of the women I know through blogging have supported ovarian cancer research by creating another art doll, this one called The Ties That Bind. The doll has been created using decorated ties and charms that were made by all the participants. The doll itself was made by Jan Brown and the project sponsored and supported by Scrapbook Royalty.

If you are interested in this project or participating in the raffle (tickets are 1 for $5.00, 6 for $20.00), please click on the links. A winner will be drawn on September 30, 2009. It isn't really about winning the doll...that's just the bonus. It's about winning in the fight against a disease that is even more difficult to detect than breast cancer.

Happy Memories...

My maternal grandparents bought property in Haliburton, Ontario many years ago, more than my lifetime ago. It was an income property where they lived and rented cabins during the summer months and then came back to Toronto in the winters. My grandmother died in 1953, but my grandfather continued to maintain the property.

I spent a few summers of my childhood at these cabins, playing in the lake, being afraid of the outhouse (who knew what might be lurking in that big hole and what might jump out?!?!) and waiting until the very last possible moment to use it...

I only managed a few summers because my grandfather sold the property when I was 8 and then he died shortly after he returned to Toronto.

Last week I posted a photograph of my grandparents, taken at Hazel Brae, on a family website to which I belong. I discovered a comment there last night from a second cousin of my mother's (one I have never met) who, upon seeing the photograph, had been flooded with happy memories of her childhood summers spent at Hazel Brae with my grandparents...how it was their summer holiday but not much of a holiday since there was always a great deal of work involved. It warmed my heart to hear of someone else's happy memory that echoed my own. I wonder how she felt about that outhouse???

Hold On...

always loved the vocalizations, the tune and most especially the lyrics....still do...

Trust Yourself...

Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.

Golda Meir

Against the Wind...

A weekend of "fun in the sun", and the wind, and some rain and some lightning...not exactly sitting on the beach with a cooler filled with cold drinks and a good book...more like sitting on the side of a soccer pitch, in farm country, with no wind break and strong, vicious winds and lots of sun for the first two games. Sun burn, wind burn (which was worse), but lots of laughter and great company. Sunday was down right cold with 2 jackets, a hoodie, hot coffee and sitting close together to keep body heat generating.

Soccer tournaments at this age (17) are really more about the socialization for the boys. The soccer is important to them but they can easily forget a missed goal, a bad play, a bad call by the referee (and those are legion in some of these tournaments) and a loss once they get into the hotel, organize their free time and leave the parents to fend for themselves.

I hadn't realized just how tiring it can be sitting in the wind...even the cows were lying down yesterday...too windy even for them!

*photo orginally uploaded to flickr by CinDLin August 18, 2006