It's that time of year, where the anxiety notches up just a little. I'm off this week for my annual mammogram. I've graduated from bi-annual to annual which shows me that I'm moving forward into life in the mainstream. A little anxiety around having the string unfurled a little longer and being followed less closely, a little like the child who knows she can now cross the street without supervision. But a feeling of being able to breathe even more deeply, knowing that I'm "growing up"! I don't think about breast cancer as often as I used to. I will always know that this is something that was part of my life's journey but it isn't part of my day to day living.
There will always be that small level of anxiety around having this mammogram. I've walked with cancer and this will always be part of who I am. Then there is the waiting between the mammogram and the visit with the surgeon to hear the results, review life and listen for those words that give me the all clear. No matter that I'm living life well, the reality always hits home a little harder that I really don't know what is going on inside my body. Are my cells behaving? Do they know who is boss? Have they remembered how fierce I am?
I've lowered the level of stress in my life to something almost non-existent. For someone like me who lived an "A" type life, who kept stress as a constant companion in her back pocket, in her purse, around her shoulders...I've done very well in eliminating that unnecessary beast of burden.
So it will be a lovely shave and no deodorant the day I go. The discomfort of the test (they really mangle and twist the one that had the lumpectomy...for which I'm grateful) is nothing compared to that little flip of anxiety.
If you haven't had a mammogram lately or done a breast self exam...please do. The life you save might be your own.
*photo originally uploaded to flickr by erinen31 January 2008
14 comments:
Sherry Lee: I remember reading somewhere, that if you have to choose between anxiety and depression, choose anxiety. It means you are living!! Some anxiety accompanies life - especially so when it comes to tests and results that involve our health.
Hoping all turns out as you desire - judging from previous comments I've seen here - you have a lot of people rooting for you.
Hope you emerge saying: Whooo Hooo!
All the best Sherry with your mammogram and waiting for the results :)
Taking extra deep breaths for you, Warrior Woman Extra-Ordinaire, as you face this challenging week.
If you have learned to not let cancer be a part of your daily life after having battled it, then you have really, really conquered it. You are amazing, Sherry. I am so inspired by your gentle yet fierce courage. So beautiful to behold.
May there be peace and understanding in the midst of the whole process too.
Much love !
My prayers are with and for you this week. I'm sure there's a part of you holding its breath, waiting - as has been said so often - to exhale. From my place here in the world, I am waiting and hoping with you, and believing that you are loved and safe and - yes indeed - fierce.
Be blessed!
Thank you for that reminder. I am at that golden age...I will be 41 next month, and I don't go to the doctor all that often. Perhaps it is time to face my demons and just do it.
Enjoy the day! Erin
Good luck with your mammogram.
A powerful post! Left me with tears, mind you, I am an emotional mess right now! However, you are right, we need to keep testing, keep checking. xxx
I hope things went well. These are never the days we want to spend. Booking the appointment, being manhandled and mangled. Waiting, oh the waiting, interpreting any little look, glance or mumble. The relief when the results are good. You would think that by 2009 there must be a better way to detect or diagnose this.
Thinking of you, dear Sherry Lee, and hoping all will be well. You truly are a Warrior Woman Extra-Ordinaire!! Many hugs!
YIKES! This reminded me that I am a wee bit late for mine!
Glad you posted about this since it reminded me to call and make my appointment!
Love to you!
LuLu~*xoxo
Crossing all digits here for you Sherry .
Good luck !! Time has flown by once again - my my - it doesn`t seem that long ago since you last went !
You`re on your new life path - travelling upon it - even if there is the tiny string of cancer ( i hate using the word ) dangling from you still - you`re not letting it trip you up at all - and just getting on with your life in the now !
An A star report for you sweetie ;o)
xoxo
prayers going upwards and good wishes crossing the ocean :)
Praying for a good test result for you Sherry. Hugs sent out to you too:>)
I am still smiling at Bonnie's post...lol Living with Anxiety...is not easy, but those words ring so true to me! Thanks Bonnie.
Ok, my sweet, now to you. I will say a prayer and wish you the best of luck...I am certain everything will be A-ok. I have been so bad at visiting blogs...I hope to visit again soon, special wishes for you my friend!
~xx~
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