*little mean girl originally uploaded to flickr by Moliere 1331 May 30, 2007A number of years ago when I was in the midst of chemotherapy I was involved with a group of people, some of whom made that experience bearable and empowering, some of whom made it, or tried to make it, a load to carry on an already burdened back. I knew these people and worked with them and their children through my son's sporting activities, and because I was in a position of "authority" (for lack of a better word), they seemed to feel that I had "power" and that they did not like. Stripping me of that was their goal. That they didn't like me was evident and something that I simply had to cope with, but most of their dislike came from the position I was in...how could it not be. They didn't even "know" me as a person, therefore it had to be about "who" I was in their eyes. That they were misinformed and mistaken about the "power" I had was not irrelevant. It took only one or two people to begin talking to create an arena of meanness, based on what they wanted to have and could not have and deciding that I was the barrier to their desires.
There I was, already beaten and bowed with cancer and dealing with it's treatment. I was "down" but I was far from "out" and yet, they didn't know that either. They knew nothing of my strength, my resolve, my spirit, my faith, my core of support from caring, giving, compassionate people. But they knew how to seize an opportunity and were quick to kick me while I was down at every opportunity they could create. In my naive innocence, I was stunned that people would stoop so low. I was already in a precarious state with not just my health, but with my life, and here they were, having a kick at the can to satisfy whatever their "need" was. My innocence about people was quickly killed along with all the living cells in my body. But I took from this experience and I learned and I "understood" and realized that the very act of meanness, of mean spirited people has been alive since the dawn of man.
I was reading an excellent essay on this at Deryn Mentock's blog last week. Part 1 and Part 2 - both worth taking a moment or two to read.
10 comments:
That was the worst kind of treatment to be subjected to while you were in such a fragile state – both physically and emotionally. It makes one despair as to the human condition – the depths people are prepared to lower themselves to in terms of behaviour and acting out for their own selfish needs and wants – and because of their own fears and insecurity. It makes me sad that you had to experience that.
On a somewhat brighter note, I did go to those links – and discovered some inspiring and wise ways to deal with and understand “the meanness” (evil?) we encounter in life.
Fantastic post! It breaks my heart to hear that you had to deal with that kind of meaness while fighting for your life! It is equally sad to think how many other people these mean people may have victimized. I went and read the posts at "Something Sublime" and they were great. Believe it or not it even spoke to some of the things I am going through right now. Good for you for not only rising above and persevering through your tough time, but also for searching for how that lesson could teach you something of value!
Our pastor spoke well on the subject of "refreshment" this morning. He taught that we should be people that refresh each other...not vex each other. It's best when someone can come away from a meeting with us feeling better than before...feeling refreshed and revived at having been with us. We all know people who are a drain to be around. If we look closely at the reasons why, we find that they probably have not spent time in the presence of Christ. That's where our souls become refreshed...and we pass it on to those around us! Thanks for mentioning me in your post!
Thank you for your message, dear Sherry Lee!
I often despair about the way people are. When they feel small and worthless, they try to make others feel even more so. But not all people are like that and I believe that you are living proof. Thank you for being there!
Renate
This story reminds me of a pack of wild animals, as soon as they sniff weakness in another they use that opportunity to advance themselves, always fighting to be top dog. You would think with the gifts we have been given over other species we would be above that. Why can't we be more like dolphins, who work together, support one another, and are there to defend the weak and actually lift them up to the surface for air. So sorry you went through this especially at a time you needed all your energy to be elsewhere, but hopefully you came away with more strength in the end.
I know these type of people. When you are the one on the receiving end of their meanness, you kind of hate them for being so focused on life-defeating instead of life-affirming acts. I don't know about you, but in the end, I almost always end up feeling really, really sorry for them. You are right. They never get to see the beauty of someone learning about what is really important in this life, the strength of what love can do, the healing power of trust and faith. And they don't get to be truly connected with someone in a life-giving and truly loving way because they choose to carry their meanness along with them instead.
I guess all we can do is forgive them their blindness and have our revenge in rising above the hurt they cause. A life well lived is the best revenge. Your innocence about those people may be lost but your love and determination to live your best life is stronger than ever ! In the end, those mean-spirited people will lose so much more...
Sending big love to your beautiful spirit,
ox ox
Ahhh yes, there are all kinds of people in this world, and I just don't understand how they can live with themselves. How someone could intentionally hurt or be mean to another.
I am sorry you had these people to deal with during your cancer treatments sweetie, I know you are a strong, outgoing woman, but you must have felt weak spiritually at that time. Maybe they were put in front of you for a reason, to actually give you strength. I believe people come in and out of our lives for a reason, and I think you do too :)
You are right there has always been mean people. I don't understand it either. How awful they treated you that way and really it doesn't matter if you were ill or not. It makes me angry to hear about this. But at the same time it is good you are able to write about it. You are obviously a stronger,better person and have learned a great deal from it. Very strange I was going through something similar last week...thinking about something that happened to me in the past....dealing with a bully. We cant let these people take control of our lives. Keep up the positive spirit and choose to be happy.
Found your blog today. I am sorry you had to go through a difficult time and having to deal with the meaniness of most folks. I call it igornance in not knowing or not wanting to know. Either way...it is their lost in not getting to know you as a special person.
Sharon
You are one of the most amazing people I have ever had the pleasure of being connected with. I am in awe of your spirit and your loving heart. Thank you so much for sharing your heart with others and also for sharing the path to Deryn's post.
Much love to you my wonderful friend,
LuLu~*xoxo
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